Click

There is an Adam Sandler movie that is ringing a little too close to home today.  The movie is called "Click."  Adam Sandler plays a man who receives a special remote control that can fast forward his life.  Naturally, he spends a lot of time fast forwarding the bad parts hoping that he can just jump to the fun stuff.  He thinks that if he can just quickly get through the current hurdle and the hard work that he can enjoy the benefits and fabulous life he's expecting.  I won't risk spoiling the movie, but I suppose it doesn't take too much intuition to figure out what kind of lesson he learns at the end of the movie.

I am having one of those "wishing I could fast forward" days.  I am impatient and I just want answers.  I want to know what my baby looks and acts like and what it feels like to be a parent.  I want to know if I'll be able to handle sleep deprivation and balancing another member of the family.  I want to know where my husband is going to get into residency, so I can start anticipating the next house project or the move.  I want to get through my next three days of work and enjoy a few days off again.  I want to know for a fact that all the many unknown pieces of our life puzzle will fall into place and everything will be fine.  My list goes on and on.  As a result I am moping.  I am not getting a thing done.  I am stuck in an impatient rut of wanting to move forward, but not able to because I won't be able to move time fast enough for myself to be satisfied today.

The irony of this funk is striking as we are now two weeks into the Advent season.  Being born and raised Lutheran, the fact that Advent is the season of waiting is no secret to me.  This is the time of preparation and patience as we anticipate Christmas.  Consumerism certainly helps remind us with the preparation part of the holiday.  We are constantly bombarded with commercials reminding us of our secular Christmas to do lists.  

However, the waiting part is completely escaping me.  At least it is escaping me today.  Because today I don't want to wait anymore; I want to know for a fact that all will be well.  I don't want to be patient.  I don't want to find it all out in due time.  I want to know it RIGHT NOW.

I guess it is a good think I don't have one of those magic remotes because I am pretty sure I'd go against my better judgment and use it today.  I'd fast forward through today and find myself at work tomorrow.  It still wouldn't give me the reassurance I am looking for today and I'd fast forward through work.  Pretty soon, I'd find myself several years down the road unsure of the path I've taken.  I would feel unsettled because I'd have missed out on the process and would be curious to know how my current state is going to work itself out.  Soon the experience would be lost and I'd simply be an audience member of my own life.

There is after all a reason that I only have to tackle so many tasks a day.  To complete a lifetime everyday would be very exhausting and probably not nearly as enjoyable.  I suppose I could get moving, and stop sulking.  I could accept that today may not solve all the unknowns I have right now.  Instead I can take comfort in knowing that time will keep marching on and most likely, contrary to today, I'll be back to wishing it would all slow down.