The Joys of Naivety

I am not quite sure where time has gone.  We were busy in December with a month of holiday gatherings, and I kept thinking to myself that January would feel long.  We really didn't have a whole lot planned for this month, and in general I tend to hate this month because it is cold and gray and drags on forever.  However, here we are nearly two weeks into the new year and things haven't slowed down yet.  Life sure has a way of filling up.  Our weekends are pretty much booked from now until our due date, so I guess I don't have to worry about being bored.

I am feeling like we are getting so close to this little one's arrival.  The nursery finally got painted, and I honestly think it turned out nearly exactly as I imagined.  The crib has a home, and is no longer plunked down in the middle of a bunch of bookshelves and desks where our office was.  I set up a bookshelf and have placed a few of the baby books and toys we've gotten on it.  It really looks like a baby's room now.  We also have a chair for cuddling and feeding times, the rug will be picked up today and I finally found a dresser that can act as a changing table without taking up half the room...I just need to order that.  It is nice to have a daily visual reminder of what is coming up, something other than my ever expanding baby bump.  I just love sitting in that room now, and can hardly wait to bring our baby home to it.  I am absolutely giddy with excitement.

A friend asked me the other day if I was scared about labor.  I replied by saying that this time around I am enjoying the naivety of the first pregnancy, and in all honesty I am not letting anyone take that away from me.  I think there is something protective in not knowing everything that is going to happen.  I remember in our high school youth group we discussed once whether or not we would like to have a crystal ball that would reveal to us the paths our lives would take.  At that time, I had no clue what direction my life was leading and I am sure I answered with a resounding "YES!"  However, I realize now that sometimes it helps to not know everything that is going to happen and to just take it small steps at a time.  I honestly don't want to know what hardships lie ahead.  I know that when Nick and I found out we were pregnant, we became parents and there wasn't any turning back from that.

When I have people ask me if I am excited, especially the ones who have been through this a time or two, I always reply with a huge smile and say, "I am enjoying being naively excited."  I typically get a very knowing look back.  People understand that this is a time in my life where I can forget about the roller coaster ride of parenting and just rejoice in the new life we are bringing into this world.

I am not stupid, and I don't think our expanding family is going to bring with it only rainbows and butterflies.  I know there are times when parenting can be heart breaking.  I know things can go terribly wrong during labor and I know that sleep deprivation can play funny tricks on even the happiest of relationships.  I also anticipate walking through the doors of our own home with a new baby, leaving behind a hospital of supportive nurses, aids and doctors, will be terrifying as we stare into the face of a helpless child that we are entirely responsible for.  I know there are hardships that come up in life I can never be prepared for, and sure enough that scares me, but I am not willing to let that take away from my excitement over this little one.

We have good family friends who recently welcomed their second beautiful child into their family, and she wrote once about how she approached her second pregnancy with more hesitancy because she knew what was coming around the corner.  Next time around, I am going to know first hand the exhaustion of a new baby.  I am going to have felt the terror of having a child exploring a very uncertain world.  I will have had days where as much as I love my little one, I will crave for the simplicity and ease of our current childless family unit.  I will have felt the pain of labor, and I will remember the challenges of pregnancy (i.e. being unable to bend, the shortness of breath with minimal activity, the ever changing pregnancy body, the fatigue and nausea...).  However, for now all I know of these things is from what I've heard and not from what I've experienced, and I am relishing in that naivety.

I know that few parents regret having their children.  I know that while we are scared about the changes kids will bring to our lives, Nick and I are ready and excited to take on the new roles of mom and dad.  I also know that despite everything that comes with being a first time parent, people still have more kids, so I think we can handle it.  Therefore, I have concluded to enjoy every moment of anticipation for this new life inside me.  I am choosing to focus on the things Nick and I are excited about and to forget about the things that are unknown and scary.  I guess you could say I am being knowingly naive, since there is no turning back from the changes that February will bring.