This time last year our pregnancy was still our own little secret. We were living our sweet little life, finally lulled into a routine with my working schedule and Nick's clinicals. I would take naps when I was tired, clean the house when I felt like it. I could run out on an errand at the spur of a moment, getting out the door in five minutes or less if I wanted. Looking back now, what a difference a year makes!
I knew as we prepared for the birth of our first born that life would never be the same. I was told about what a roller coaster ride child rearing can be. I would dream about the baby coo's and the smiles that we'd be enjoying a year from then...now. I also knew that everyone would say, "You just can't explain what a change it is to have a baby in your life." That certainly is the truth.
In the months since February our life has gone from simple and wonderful to complicated and amazing (yet challenging). I remember discussing in my Psych-Mental Health Nursing course in college those checklists of stressful life events...I would say that in the past few months we have experienced many of them. I have had a countless number of blogs telling of the adjustments our family is going through these days, and I don't need to rehash them.
I finally had to face the realization that at this precise moment in time there is absolutely nothing about our life that is simple. I can also say that in a lot of ways we have never been happier.
Nick loves his residency program. He was laughed at the other day at work when he showed up and said that he couldn't think of a better place to be. I guess he better enjoy it since he is spending the better part of at least six days a week there! We are all adjusting to his utter and complete lack of free time, but I feel pretty certain that by the time we get through this residency process we will be professionals at making the most of the precious time we get together. We have already gotten better at shutting off the television and computers, so we can enjoy a game together or a nice cuddle and a good laugh with Briony.
I am also really happy with my new job. I have been challenged in new ways, and professionally the change has been refreshing. I am once again finding a new niche, or am at least confidant that I will soon. I have so much to learn. I never realized how comfortable I had gotten with caring for very sick people. Metal fragments stuck in the eye of a twenty three year old are much more unknown now than the patient we transferred to the ICU who needed a central line and multiple drips. I am once again relishing in the variety of my work and relieved to be faced with a little less paper work. My IV start skills have been less than stellar though...
I continually marvel at the adorable daughter we are raising. Mostly, I laugh at how everything that used to be so simple before has about ten new steps. I never leave the house with anything less than a diaper, change of clothes and snack on board. While daunting there is a lot of pride in anticipating and meeting the needs of a five month old. I have to admit that when her face lights up in a smile or I get to introduce her to something or someone new...all the complexity she brings becomes a moot point. There really is nothing more surreal than holding my daughter in my arms, or listening to her babble and trying to imagine what it is she wants to say!
The other evening I had to get Briony and I out the door to a wedding shower. I had a time commitment to make, something I've started to dread as a new mom. I also had to balance her very beloved early bedtime ritual with an evening social event. The entire time I was getting ready I kept wondering to myself, "how in the world do mom's do this?!" We managed to get out the door and make it to the shower with plenty of time. Who knew that twenty verses of "Old McDonald Has a Farm" could be so entertaining and distracting?!
As I was taking the deep breaths I had forgotten to take in the rush out the door, I realized that I was one of those moms. Somehow we had gotten ourselves out the door. I am not sure how it happened, but it did. Apparently the old saying, "do what you gotta do" works as a mom, too. I guess one foot in front of the other is how it is done.
As a side note Briony did fall apart about half way through and gave everyone a nice show of her flare for drama and her love of bedtime. We made it though, and I have to say that I love my daughter's spunk and while I fully anticipate some intense moments in the future as we face her many strong opinions...I love the fact that she has them.
With all that said, I am happy with our new, more complicated life. I only wish it was easier to find a balance between everything. I need to get better about letting things go. I can't do some of the things that I've always done, but simultaneously I am doing so much more than I've ever done. I have never been more challenged, more exhausted, more humble or more in love with my family than I am right now. Most days my heart is so full I could just burst. Now, I just need to stop saying..."if only it was simpler..." because we wanted to start our family and I wouldn't take that decision back for anything!
No comments:
Post a Comment