I just need to start by saying that this weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time. I got to re-connect with co-workers and friends alike. Sometimes the whole "new parent" thing can be a bit isolating especially when you're the one trail blazing the path in your friend and family circles. However, this weekend we were graciously welcomed at several gatherings. I must admit that when our friends, concerned about helping Briony get a little rest, turned down the music at a barbecue I realized how different our life has become. We are so blessed to have people in our lives that accept us for where we are in life even if they haven't quite gotten to this stage yet.
In fact, I had a friend ask recently if I felt like I've done it all. She was referring to the fact that in the past three years I have gotten married, switched jobs, bought a house, gotten a dog, been pregnant and now delivered my first baby. I chuckled and laughed. I certainly have experienced many milestones, but now I am finding that there is a whole new world of milestones that we have embarked upon in this new phase of our life.
Being a parent hasn't really closed doors; it has opened a few as well. Most notably, and not unlike most changes in life, the past few months have allowed ample opportunity for personal growth and reflection. I started this blog as a means to reflect on my life in the "now," hence the title. I am an impatient one, and always have been. I spend a lot of time looking forward to the next thing and sometimes don't enjoy the present for what it is.
Pregnancy is a big test of patience, but one of the things I realized is that to be patient you have to appreciate the present. I heeded the advice when I was pregnant to really enjoy the last few months of just Nick and I. We did, and I don't regret it. We enjoyed more date nights than our budget probably allowed, and even spent a weekend up North hiking on one of the last nice weekends of the fall. Briony's entrance into our lives has definitely changed the freedom we had before to create quality time with one another. However, the fact that we were so purposeful about our time before has helped us understand the importance of creating time together now. Of course it is always easier said than done, but we're working on it.
While pregnancy was full of anticipation, which is usually the culprit that leads to my impatience, so is parenthood...at least new parenthood (since I do realize my experience is still quite limited). You can call it baby blues, post-partum depression, sleep deprivation or whatever you want, but the first few weeks were tough. As the endorphins began to wear off after delivery, I grew impatient for the next step. I was eager to see her grow. I wanted to know what her personality was going to be. I wanted to lock eyes with her and see her grin. I started to sense myself getting impatient again as I anticipated what the next steps in Briony's development would be.
When Briony was about a month old, my mom commented on how she remembers that anticipation. She relayed to me how eager she was for those next steps to come, too. However, now that she has been through it she knows that those steps will come and that you don't get to go back to how they are right now. It was a fleeting statement, one that we didn't dwell on for very long, but it has stuck with me. With those words she reminded me that life keeps going. There is no rewind button. She reminded me that when I look back on this time I will realize that impatience wasn't necessary because the next phase will come.
I now find that I am letting myself slow down. I am trying not to imagine all that Briony will be because in time that will all happen, I am trying to relish in what she is now. She is an extremely content little lady. In fact, we've been downright spoiled. She eats well, and seems to grow in front of our eyes. She stares at her dad like he is the only person in the world. She lets us know when she is tired and falls asleep like a champ. She is starting to coo and her grin lights up the room. Life is simple right now, and I need to relish that. It won't be long before I am chasing her around, wondering where my innocent baby disappeared to.
The more I've pondered and practiced my more patient outlook, the more I wish I'd realized this sooner. As complicated as life seems sometimes, it only gets more so. When I was in sixth grade I couldn't wait to get to middle school because then I would be allowed to chew gum. Once in middle school, I found out that chewing gum was quite minute in the grand scheme of adjusting to the independence that you develop as a teen. When I graduated from high school, I couldn't wait to head to college only to be bombarded with syllabi. Now, I long for the time when the act of procrastination affected no one but myself.
Don't get me wrong, I still have multiple times a day when I anticipate the future thinking it will be simpler. For example, I frequently find myself saying, "If I could just get a full night's sleep, then I would..." However, changing my mindset and increasing my awareness of my impatience has really improved my frame of mind. I guess we'll see how long it takes before life teaches me my next lesson in patience.
In fact, I had a friend ask recently if I felt like I've done it all. She was referring to the fact that in the past three years I have gotten married, switched jobs, bought a house, gotten a dog, been pregnant and now delivered my first baby. I chuckled and laughed. I certainly have experienced many milestones, but now I am finding that there is a whole new world of milestones that we have embarked upon in this new phase of our life.
Being a parent hasn't really closed doors; it has opened a few as well. Most notably, and not unlike most changes in life, the past few months have allowed ample opportunity for personal growth and reflection. I started this blog as a means to reflect on my life in the "now," hence the title. I am an impatient one, and always have been. I spend a lot of time looking forward to the next thing and sometimes don't enjoy the present for what it is.
Pregnancy is a big test of patience, but one of the things I realized is that to be patient you have to appreciate the present. I heeded the advice when I was pregnant to really enjoy the last few months of just Nick and I. We did, and I don't regret it. We enjoyed more date nights than our budget probably allowed, and even spent a weekend up North hiking on one of the last nice weekends of the fall. Briony's entrance into our lives has definitely changed the freedom we had before to create quality time with one another. However, the fact that we were so purposeful about our time before has helped us understand the importance of creating time together now. Of course it is always easier said than done, but we're working on it.
While pregnancy was full of anticipation, which is usually the culprit that leads to my impatience, so is parenthood...at least new parenthood (since I do realize my experience is still quite limited). You can call it baby blues, post-partum depression, sleep deprivation or whatever you want, but the first few weeks were tough. As the endorphins began to wear off after delivery, I grew impatient for the next step. I was eager to see her grow. I wanted to know what her personality was going to be. I wanted to lock eyes with her and see her grin. I started to sense myself getting impatient again as I anticipated what the next steps in Briony's development would be.
When Briony was about a month old, my mom commented on how she remembers that anticipation. She relayed to me how eager she was for those next steps to come, too. However, now that she has been through it she knows that those steps will come and that you don't get to go back to how they are right now. It was a fleeting statement, one that we didn't dwell on for very long, but it has stuck with me. With those words she reminded me that life keeps going. There is no rewind button. She reminded me that when I look back on this time I will realize that impatience wasn't necessary because the next phase will come.
I now find that I am letting myself slow down. I am trying not to imagine all that Briony will be because in time that will all happen, I am trying to relish in what she is now. She is an extremely content little lady. In fact, we've been downright spoiled. She eats well, and seems to grow in front of our eyes. She stares at her dad like he is the only person in the world. She lets us know when she is tired and falls asleep like a champ. She is starting to coo and her grin lights up the room. Life is simple right now, and I need to relish that. It won't be long before I am chasing her around, wondering where my innocent baby disappeared to.
The more I've pondered and practiced my more patient outlook, the more I wish I'd realized this sooner. As complicated as life seems sometimes, it only gets more so. When I was in sixth grade I couldn't wait to get to middle school because then I would be allowed to chew gum. Once in middle school, I found out that chewing gum was quite minute in the grand scheme of adjusting to the independence that you develop as a teen. When I graduated from high school, I couldn't wait to head to college only to be bombarded with syllabi. Now, I long for the time when the act of procrastination affected no one but myself.
Don't get me wrong, I still have multiple times a day when I anticipate the future thinking it will be simpler. For example, I frequently find myself saying, "If I could just get a full night's sleep, then I would..." However, changing my mindset and increasing my awareness of my impatience has really improved my frame of mind. I guess we'll see how long it takes before life teaches me my next lesson in patience.
If you're figuring this out now Molly you're WAY ahead of the game. It took having a second baby for me to realize that I needed to slow down and "smell the roses" as they say. I have finally learned to do chores and bills while the girls are sleeping so that when they are awake I am fully theirs. Good for you! because as you know and have heard a MILLION times, it goes by SO fast.
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