KP

I used to attend a bible camp during the summers we were here in the states.  I would sometimes go with a group of youth from our church, but usually I was on my own.

One particular summer, I was the lone stranger in a room full of girls from another church.  They were the kind of catty friends that only got along because they didn't.  Thankfully for me, they only fought with one another, and didn't choose to include me in their fights.  I spent a lot of the week listening as each girl complained about the others, or mediating their fights.  

At the end of the week we had an opportunity to share our highs and lows.  When my turn came around they all looked at me very surprised when I answered that my high of the entire week of camp had been the night our cabin had kitchen patrol.  I explained to them that it was the only night everyone had gotten along.  I told them it was the only time I had heard them encourage one another.  As an added bonus we had completed our KP duties in record time.  I think we even exchanged high fives as a group.  They laughed together as I shared my insights about that night.  They also agreed that it had been a fun night and had enjoyed working together.

If you were to ask me what my favorite chore is, hands down I would tell you it is washing the dishes.  As a camper, that week especially, it helped us bond and work together amidst a great deal of dysfunction.  When I was a counselor, I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with my campers, sing songs and reflect on our day's activities.  My dishwashing skills were recognized and appreciated on my first camping trip with Nick's family.  I have even used dishwashing as an excuse to get out of a few undesired activities, namely charades with the in laws.

Tonight, I got to add another reason to my list of why I love dishwashing.  With Nick back at work, he has taken over the duty of putting Briony to bed at night.  Our daughter loves her bedtime routine.  I may seem crazy to speculate that a nine week old knows when it is time for bed at night, but she does.  As Nick changed her into her pajamas she started to coo at him.  It is one of the sweetest, most delightful sounds I have ever heard.  My heart absolutely melted.  Tonight, I would have washed all the dishes in the house if it had meant I could prolong those precious moments between dad and daughter.

Parenting Lessons are Life Lessons

I just need to start by saying that this weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time.  I got to re-connect with co-workers and friends alike.  Sometimes the whole "new parent" thing can be a bit isolating especially when you're the one trail blazing the path in your friend and family circles.  However, this weekend we were graciously welcomed at several gatherings.  I must admit that when our friends, concerned about helping Briony get a little rest, turned down the music at a barbecue I realized how different our life has become.  We are so blessed to have people in our lives that accept us for where we are in life even if they haven't quite gotten to this stage yet.

In fact, I had a friend ask recently if I felt like I've done it all.  She was referring to the fact that in the past three years I have gotten married, switched jobs, bought a house, gotten a dog, been pregnant and now delivered my first baby.  I chuckled and laughed.  I certainly have experienced many milestones, but now I am finding that there is a whole new world of milestones that we have embarked upon in this new phase of our life.  

Being a parent hasn't really closed doors; it has opened a few as well.  Most notably, and not unlike most changes in life, the past few months have allowed ample opportunity for personal growth and reflection. I started this blog as a means to reflect on my life in the "now," hence the title.  I am an impatient one, and always have been. I spend a lot of time looking forward to the next thing and sometimes don't enjoy the present for what it is.  

Pregnancy is a big test of patience, but one of the things I realized is that to be patient you have to appreciate the present.  I heeded the advice when I was pregnant to really enjoy the last few months of just Nick and I.  We did, and I don't regret it.  We enjoyed more date nights than our budget probably allowed, and even spent a weekend up North hiking on one of the last nice weekends of the fall.  Briony's entrance into our lives has definitely changed the freedom we had before to create quality time with one another.  However, the fact that we were so purposeful about our time before has helped us understand the importance of creating time together now.  Of course it is always easier said than done, but we're working on it.

While pregnancy was full of anticipation, which is usually the culprit that leads to my impatience, so is parenthood...at least new parenthood (since I do realize my experience is still quite limited).  You can call it baby blues, post-partum depression, sleep deprivation or whatever you want, but the first few weeks were tough.  As the endorphins began to wear off after delivery, I grew impatient for the next step.  I was eager to see her grow.  I wanted to know what her personality was going to be.  I wanted to lock eyes with her and see her grin.  I started to sense myself getting impatient again as I anticipated what the next steps in Briony's development would be.

When Briony was about a month old, my mom commented on how she remembers that anticipation.  She relayed to me how eager she was for those next steps to come, too.  However, now that she has been through it she knows that those steps will come and that you don't get to go back to how they are right now.   It was a fleeting statement, one that we didn't dwell on for very long, but it has stuck with me.  With those words she reminded me that life keeps going.  There is no rewind button.  She reminded me that when I look back on this time I will realize that impatience wasn't necessary because the next phase will come.

I now find that I am letting myself slow down.  I am trying not to imagine all that Briony will be because in time that will all happen, I am trying to relish in what she is now.  She is an extremely content little lady.  In fact, we've been downright spoiled.  She eats well, and seems to grow in front of our eyes.  She stares at her dad like he is the only person in the world.  She lets us know when she is tired and falls asleep like a champ.  She is starting to coo and her grin lights up the room.  Life is simple right now, and I need to relish that.  It won't be long before I am chasing her around, wondering where my innocent baby disappeared to.

The more I've pondered and practiced my more patient outlook, the more I wish I'd realized this sooner.  As complicated as life seems sometimes, it only gets more so.  When I was in sixth grade I couldn't wait to get to middle school because then I would be allowed to chew gum.  Once in middle school, I found out that chewing gum was quite minute in the grand scheme of adjusting to the independence that you develop as a teen.  When I graduated from high school, I couldn't wait to head to college only to be bombarded with syllabi.  Now, I long for the time when the act of procrastination affected no one but myself.

Don't get me wrong, I still have multiple times a day when I anticipate the future thinking it will be simpler.  For example, I frequently find myself saying, "If I could just get a full night's sleep, then I would..."  However, changing my mindset and increasing my awareness of my impatience has really improved my frame of mind.  I guess we'll see how long it takes before life teaches me my next lesson in patience.