At a year and a half our dog, Sadie, isn't so much a puppy anymore. However, she still looks like she could be and some days we wonder if she didn't just get stuck in puppy-hood somewhere along the way. For those of you who haven't met her, she is a rescue dog. We got her through an organization that takes in dogs from high kill shelters in the South, fosters them and then finds homes for them here in the Twin Cities. She and her litter were found without parents, so we really aren't sure what is in her mix. She has the colorings of a German Shepherd, but since she's stunted at 40 pounds there was some small dog mixed in there somewhere.
I would venture to say, while she has her meek moments, she is what they call a high-confidence dog. She is spunky and energetic. She hates cleaning and house projects. There is nothing worse than when the vacuum cleaner and broom make their appearance from the basement. Sadie is intelligent and loves a good training challenge. Hard work is her middle name. Walks and runs are much more fulfilling if there are a few sticks along the way that can be cleared out and moved along. Her best days are spent with plenty of time outside stalking squirrels, and chasing the deer from the yard. Her personal mission in life is to destroy all those annoying squeakers that are placed in those goofy dog toys and to rid them of their stuffing. Most of all, she absolutely adores Nick and I.
There probably isn't much more in this world that can raise your confidence quite like the loyalty of a dog. I am always reminded of how long it takes to walk to the end of the driveway to get the mail and return to the house when Sadie greets me at the door as cheerfully as if I'd been gone for the day. When I take her outside to play, and she waits with joyful anticipation for her toy to be launched in the air, the look she gives me makes me feel like I am performing the most important work of the day. Her satisfied sigh as she collapses on the floor after a good walk/run remind me of how satisfying a good workout can be. She watches me whenever I get dressed, and if I don't end up putting on scrubs for work, her tail wags so fast it looks like she is going to take off the ground. Finally, when she is called into the house from outside the determined look she has as she runs towards me just makes me smile.
Her cuddliest times of the day are in the morning right after she's woken up and after a good long run. During these times she wants to sit on the floor next to me. When I grab the blanket and sit down, she sidles up next to me and slides down to the floor, so there is absolutely no space between us. She lets out her best happy grunt and settles into a nice nap.
We were warned when we bought our house to not rush into the dog ownership trap, but we couldn't resist. I think we made it about a two weeks after we moved in before we started looking, and about two weeks more before Sadie was officially in our house to stay. Sure, we each have days where the responsibility of a dog feels a little burdensome, but she has worked her way so deeply into our "family" that we really would be quite lost without her.
Sadie reminds me everyday of the simple pleasures of life. She never complains about her meals, even if she gets the same thing everyday. To her food is nourishment and nourishment is life. Her excitement over a car ride, even when it may end up being a trip to the vet or groomers, reminds me that adventures are the spice of life. You never know when it could lead to an off-leash exploration of new territory. To her, a toy is a toy. She doesn't care how expensive it is, as money means nothing to her. A newfound stick in the yard usually provides better entertainment than the fancy squeaker toy that she destroys within minutes of receiving it. Materialism is not the name of her game. She also finds pride in her work. When she is asked to perform a task and she completes it, you can tell that she finds tremendous satisfaction in that.
Most notably she finds joy in loyalty and being together. Obviously, for dogs their survival depends on loyalty. If she doesn't pull her weight, follow commands or take direction from those that care for her she won't survive. She has to trust that we will make decisions that protect her, and when she does her needs are provided for. I am no different. I couldn't survive very effectively without the guidance and wisdom of my support network. Finally, nothing makes for a happier dog than when both Nick and I are home, at the same time. When this happens she prances around like she has won the lottery; a wonderful reminder of how special togetherness is.
Around this time of year, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the abundance of parties and gatherings that fill our calendar. I am an introvert and usually get a little anxious about being over-scheduled. However, with how busy our lives are it is a wonderful blessing to be able to have a time of year where we can focus on re-connecting with family and loved ones. I grew up abroad and I didn't get this opportunity every year. Nick has family all over the globe, and in the past I have too, and time together becomes extremely valuable. I think Sadie is absolutely right being together strengthens bonds and reaffirms us of the community we are a part of, that is definitely deserving of a good prance.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Snow Days
It has been quite the process to get me to appreciate days like today. I realize I am a Minnesota girl now, but I haven't always been. I grew up in a country where we spent our Christmas on the beach, wearing sandals and walking on the reefs. We always looked forward to it because the pineapples were sweet, the weather was warm and we had friends gathering that were so close we called them family. We were a long ways from family at the time, so it was special to be able to share the holidays with the next best thing.
Thanksgiving in Madagascar usually meant a day off of school because mom liked to try and honor the holiday. I remember one Thanksgiving in particular where we went out to eat at a local hotel and even got to go swimming in the outdoor pool. We shared in our typical thanksgiving tradition of going around the table and telling everyone what we were thankful for. Most important of all, the meal didn't include turkey, which was a food I didn't particularly enjoy as a youngster.
When we moved back to the United States in fifth grade, we returned home in March. The snow was gray, the weather bleary and we were faced with the reality we wouldn't be returning "home." It was a big adjustment and I think I took a lot of my distaste of the situation out on the weather. I hated winter, because it was cold, but also because it was so far removed from what I was used to. The onset of winter meant that I was no where close to the comforts of my childhood and where I grew up. I used to complain bitterly about the snow. Even in college my friends knew to avoid me during the first snowfall because it usually put me in a bad mood. I would keep my curtains closed and huff and puff about how stupid it was that anyone would live here.
I used to blame my parents and my ancestors for choosing so foolishly to live in a climate that freezes for more months in the year than it thaws. I would give myself permission to complain because at the time, I had no choice in the matter. My family lived here, so I had to live here by default. It wasn't my choice I would exclaim.
There was also the time I told my mom that we really should have a plan in this state that everyone evacuate during the cold weather. If hurricanes and floods could force people out of their homes then why couldn't 40 below zero do the same?
I don't know that I would say that I particularly enjoy the full five to seven months of winter that we endure every year. By January, which is the month I am usually most homesick for Madagascar, I am usually singing another tune. However, today I woke up and marveled at the snow. It looked so crisp and clean, I decided that if we have to live with the below freezing temps we might as well have something pretty to look at. It makes me want to get out there and cross country ski, although this year I am going to have to try my hand at snow shoeing instead. I now have fun memories associated with this weather and have obviously made a conscious adult decision to live here.
The arrival of winter leads to time spent with family at holiday gatherings. This is treasured time, as we have family spread out far and wide. The cooler weather means warm drinks, cozy fire places and snuggling under warm blankets. Christmas lights provide a much needed glow to the shorter, darker days. Snow on the ground calls for fun times skiing outside, wrapped in long underwear, mittens and scarves. Now, the changing of the seasons doesn't so much remind me of what I am missing out on, it indicates what I get to look forward to.
Thanksgiving in Madagascar usually meant a day off of school because mom liked to try and honor the holiday. I remember one Thanksgiving in particular where we went out to eat at a local hotel and even got to go swimming in the outdoor pool. We shared in our typical thanksgiving tradition of going around the table and telling everyone what we were thankful for. Most important of all, the meal didn't include turkey, which was a food I didn't particularly enjoy as a youngster.
When we moved back to the United States in fifth grade, we returned home in March. The snow was gray, the weather bleary and we were faced with the reality we wouldn't be returning "home." It was a big adjustment and I think I took a lot of my distaste of the situation out on the weather. I hated winter, because it was cold, but also because it was so far removed from what I was used to. The onset of winter meant that I was no where close to the comforts of my childhood and where I grew up. I used to complain bitterly about the snow. Even in college my friends knew to avoid me during the first snowfall because it usually put me in a bad mood. I would keep my curtains closed and huff and puff about how stupid it was that anyone would live here.
I used to blame my parents and my ancestors for choosing so foolishly to live in a climate that freezes for more months in the year than it thaws. I would give myself permission to complain because at the time, I had no choice in the matter. My family lived here, so I had to live here by default. It wasn't my choice I would exclaim.
There was also the time I told my mom that we really should have a plan in this state that everyone evacuate during the cold weather. If hurricanes and floods could force people out of their homes then why couldn't 40 below zero do the same?
I don't know that I would say that I particularly enjoy the full five to seven months of winter that we endure every year. By January, which is the month I am usually most homesick for Madagascar, I am usually singing another tune. However, today I woke up and marveled at the snow. It looked so crisp and clean, I decided that if we have to live with the below freezing temps we might as well have something pretty to look at. It makes me want to get out there and cross country ski, although this year I am going to have to try my hand at snow shoeing instead. I now have fun memories associated with this weather and have obviously made a conscious adult decision to live here.
The arrival of winter leads to time spent with family at holiday gatherings. This is treasured time, as we have family spread out far and wide. The cooler weather means warm drinks, cozy fire places and snuggling under warm blankets. Christmas lights provide a much needed glow to the shorter, darker days. Snow on the ground calls for fun times skiing outside, wrapped in long underwear, mittens and scarves. Now, the changing of the seasons doesn't so much remind me of what I am missing out on, it indicates what I get to look forward to.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sleep
I really enjoy working night shifts, but I hate the lack of sleep part of it all. I never pulled all nighters in college and I didn't enjoy lock-ins in high school because I don't sleep well during the day. The thought of being in bed while the daylight hours are burning is beyond me. So here I sit with a lot of hours of work behind me and several more ahead of me trying to understand why my body thinks its okay to only have three and a half hours of sleep. Its beautiful outside, but judging the fact that last night I had to do jumping jacks in order to finish my charting, I don't think I should be too ambitious about getting much done.
Hence, today I am thankful for sleep. I am not thankful for it because I've had a lot of rest the past few days. I am thankful for it because I miss it, value it and can not wait to catch up on a little of it someday soon. After all, once this baby arrives all hope for sleep will be lost anyways, right?
I have always been a notoriously bad sleeper in any situation aside from laying in my own bed at night. My parents have many stories of trans-atlantic flights with a sleepless toddler. In fact, the first trip we made to the United States was when I was two. Our family here had never met me and anxiously awaited our arrival. Despite my parents valiant efforts I didn't sleep for the duration of the trip. However, upon reaching our destination and eager family, I promptly fell asleep and didn't wake until the next day.
I couldn't help but think of the many stories of sleepless nights that my parents still love to tell as I cared for a sleep deprived patient the other night. There were many statements and pearls of advice that I heard flowing from my mouth that night that sounded strangely similar to the advice my parents would patiently give me as I lay thrashing in beds in hotel rooms during family vacations.
The ICU environment is awful at promoting sleep. There is absolutely nothing restful about it. Unfortunately, people are admitted to the ICU because they require close and frequent monitoring. On our unit we work primarily with the brain. While some measurements can be taken while patients rest, much of our clinical information comes from a patient's orientation to their environment and how their body is moving and feeling. This requires us to frequently wake patients up to do our assessments. Therefore, optimizing their rest schedules as best as possible is often on the top of our priority list.
Every once in a while though we get those patients who, like me, are convinced they "just can't sleep and there's nothing that can be done about it." It was this type of patient that I cared for Sunday night. The kicker was that she was doing nothing to help herself. I walked into the room at ten at night to find her on the phone, lights on, tv blaring and her sister snoring on the couch. Knowing that this patient had not gotten adequate rest in several days, I began the process of slowly weaning her off her stimulation.
First, I had to calm her down over her frustrations with dietary. Then I explained the importance of sleep in such a stressful situation. Finally, I told her that the tv would not be allowed to be on throughout the night, unless she wanted to watch the station with peaceful nature scenes and classical music. I turned out the lights and left the room. I peeked in a few times, to find her resting. When I returned an hour later for my assessment she awoke and stated that she had had the best night's sleep ever. I informed her there were many hours left in the night.
She then proceeded to make several phone calls. I waited, and when there was a break informed her that it was time to turn the phone off for the night. She stated again, "I can't sleep. I am not tired and there is nothing in this room for me to do." Then it happened, my mom's voice shot through me as I said, "Well, you can't fall asleep if you're talking on the phone. Now I am going to turn out the lights and you need to get some sleep." At first, I was a little taken back and not quite prepared to sound like my mom just yet. However, it worked and the patient was snoring before I even left the room.
As I sat down to chart, I stared down at my growing belly, and told my unborn child that there is more where that came from. I feel quite convinced that there will be pay back for the ease of this pregnancy. My mom has always insinuated that she hopes that I get a little pay back for the troubles I caused growing up; and given the stubborn, opinionated genes that have been contributed to our child's genetic make up, I feel confidant that parenthood should be a wild ride. I guess in terms of sleepless nights and the "I can't believe I just said what my parents used to tell me" moments, I am ready. Now I just need to multiply everything like ten times...or so I hear.
Hence, today I am thankful for sleep. I am not thankful for it because I've had a lot of rest the past few days. I am thankful for it because I miss it, value it and can not wait to catch up on a little of it someday soon. After all, once this baby arrives all hope for sleep will be lost anyways, right?
I have always been a notoriously bad sleeper in any situation aside from laying in my own bed at night. My parents have many stories of trans-atlantic flights with a sleepless toddler. In fact, the first trip we made to the United States was when I was two. Our family here had never met me and anxiously awaited our arrival. Despite my parents valiant efforts I didn't sleep for the duration of the trip. However, upon reaching our destination and eager family, I promptly fell asleep and didn't wake until the next day.
I couldn't help but think of the many stories of sleepless nights that my parents still love to tell as I cared for a sleep deprived patient the other night. There were many statements and pearls of advice that I heard flowing from my mouth that night that sounded strangely similar to the advice my parents would patiently give me as I lay thrashing in beds in hotel rooms during family vacations.
The ICU environment is awful at promoting sleep. There is absolutely nothing restful about it. Unfortunately, people are admitted to the ICU because they require close and frequent monitoring. On our unit we work primarily with the brain. While some measurements can be taken while patients rest, much of our clinical information comes from a patient's orientation to their environment and how their body is moving and feeling. This requires us to frequently wake patients up to do our assessments. Therefore, optimizing their rest schedules as best as possible is often on the top of our priority list.
Every once in a while though we get those patients who, like me, are convinced they "just can't sleep and there's nothing that can be done about it." It was this type of patient that I cared for Sunday night. The kicker was that she was doing nothing to help herself. I walked into the room at ten at night to find her on the phone, lights on, tv blaring and her sister snoring on the couch. Knowing that this patient had not gotten adequate rest in several days, I began the process of slowly weaning her off her stimulation.
First, I had to calm her down over her frustrations with dietary. Then I explained the importance of sleep in such a stressful situation. Finally, I told her that the tv would not be allowed to be on throughout the night, unless she wanted to watch the station with peaceful nature scenes and classical music. I turned out the lights and left the room. I peeked in a few times, to find her resting. When I returned an hour later for my assessment she awoke and stated that she had had the best night's sleep ever. I informed her there were many hours left in the night.
She then proceeded to make several phone calls. I waited, and when there was a break informed her that it was time to turn the phone off for the night. She stated again, "I can't sleep. I am not tired and there is nothing in this room for me to do." Then it happened, my mom's voice shot through me as I said, "Well, you can't fall asleep if you're talking on the phone. Now I am going to turn out the lights and you need to get some sleep." At first, I was a little taken back and not quite prepared to sound like my mom just yet. However, it worked and the patient was snoring before I even left the room.
As I sat down to chart, I stared down at my growing belly, and told my unborn child that there is more where that came from. I feel quite convinced that there will be pay back for the ease of this pregnancy. My mom has always insinuated that she hopes that I get a little pay back for the troubles I caused growing up; and given the stubborn, opinionated genes that have been contributed to our child's genetic make up, I feel confidant that parenthood should be a wild ride. I guess in terms of sleepless nights and the "I can't believe I just said what my parents used to tell me" moments, I am ready. Now I just need to multiply everything like ten times...or so I hear.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Change of Pace
I am going to admit that I am not necessarily feeling rested and rejuvenated after my one day off. I will also admit that I am a little exhausted at the thought of heading back to work for three more nights. Daylights Savings and a Monday morning staff meeting made for two extra hours of work this weekend and that was more than enough for me. Needless to say, I am a little fatigued.
However, I also have to admit that I had some really great moments at work this past weekend. The kind of moments where I was reminded of why I am a nurse and how much of a difference nursing care can really make. In that regard I am ready to head back again tonight.
As I was laying out on my living room floor soaking up some of the last bits of warm sun we'll get in the months ahead, my body aching from all the raking we've done in our yard the past two days, I was thankful for the change in routine yesterday. During this stretch of my work schedule I work two stretches of three consecutive night shifts with only one day off in the middle. Sometime, around yesterday afternoon, I start feeling a little sorry for myself because it never really feels like a day off. I have to sleep for some of it and then I have house work to catch up on before I head into another stretch of nights, and by 10 pm I am so exhausted I have to go to bed again.
However, today I was able to reap the benefits of yesterday's change of pace. I woke up this morning rested and ready to tackle a few more things before heading into work. I even have three more blisters on my hands from raking to prove it. I also woke up knowing that I only have three more night shifts and then I head into a nice weekend off. There really is nothing quite like working the weekend away to make you appreciate a weekend off. I guess even a small change in routine really can be helpful in adjusting my attitude and I am thankful for that.
However, I also have to admit that I had some really great moments at work this past weekend. The kind of moments where I was reminded of why I am a nurse and how much of a difference nursing care can really make. In that regard I am ready to head back again tonight.
As I was laying out on my living room floor soaking up some of the last bits of warm sun we'll get in the months ahead, my body aching from all the raking we've done in our yard the past two days, I was thankful for the change in routine yesterday. During this stretch of my work schedule I work two stretches of three consecutive night shifts with only one day off in the middle. Sometime, around yesterday afternoon, I start feeling a little sorry for myself because it never really feels like a day off. I have to sleep for some of it and then I have house work to catch up on before I head into another stretch of nights, and by 10 pm I am so exhausted I have to go to bed again.
However, today I was able to reap the benefits of yesterday's change of pace. I woke up this morning rested and ready to tackle a few more things before heading into work. I even have three more blisters on my hands from raking to prove it. I also woke up knowing that I only have three more night shifts and then I head into a nice weekend off. There really is nothing quite like working the weekend away to make you appreciate a weekend off. I guess even a small change in routine really can be helpful in adjusting my attitude and I am thankful for that.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Two Things
Today is going to be short and sweet as I am worn out from work and have to pull myself together for one more night shift!
First, my husband, brother and father-in-law welcomed me with a fabulous surprise when I woke up today- the windows are all in! There is A LOT of finishing work to do, but the arduous process of removing the old windows and making the new ones fit is complete. It already looks tons better on the outside of the house and they are such a dream to open and close. Eeek, I've been so excited and it is such a relief to know that we made use of this beautiful weekend and we don't have to wait until the spring to start this project! I am so incredibly thankful for how perfectly the timing worked out for this project.
Second, the Vikings finally won and my fantasy team looks like it is headed for a win! I can't take any credit for either win, but it sure is nice to be associated with winning teams. I guess it is one of those days where small things can really make my day...
First, my husband, brother and father-in-law welcomed me with a fabulous surprise when I woke up today- the windows are all in! There is A LOT of finishing work to do, but the arduous process of removing the old windows and making the new ones fit is complete. It already looks tons better on the outside of the house and they are such a dream to open and close. Eeek, I've been so excited and it is such a relief to know that we made use of this beautiful weekend and we don't have to wait until the spring to start this project! I am so incredibly thankful for how perfectly the timing worked out for this project.
Second, the Vikings finally won and my fantasy team looks like it is headed for a win! I can't take any credit for either win, but it sure is nice to be associated with winning teams. I guess it is one of those days where small things can really make my day...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Productivity
I am sitting here laughing at myself this afternoon as I am beginning to realize what this blog will lead me to admit. About six weeks ago, I switched to a day/night rotation at work and last night marked the beginning of my stretch of nights. I remarked to Nick about midway through the afternoon that it just doesn't seem fair that when you work nights you have to work while everyone is sleeping. We had a busy day yesterday, and all I could think about was while everyone would be tucking themselves nicely into bed at the end of the day I would be heading to work. However, I neglected to recognize that I do eventually need to sleep and that inevitably I would be heading to bed and tucking myself in just as the rest of the world was waking up. I guess it does eventually work itself out, doesn't it?
This is a weekend where being close to family has come in very handy yet again. Nick finally has a weekend off and he and his dad wanted to tackle the enormous project of installing new windows at our house. However, with our house being small there really wasn't going to be a quiet place for me to sleep while they were working. Here enters my wonderful family again. I was graciously offered, or perhaps I requested, the use of the futon in my parents quiet and very dark basement. It worked out well. I woke up well rested this afternoon and found out that two windows were already installed at our house.
Even more phenomenal, I woke up to find my parents and brother feverishly working away at organizing their garage. This too is an enormous project, as you can imagine, and they were conquering it with zeal. And to think all this occurred while I was sleeping soundly in my bed, maybe this whole nights thing isn't so bad after all?!
This is a weekend where being close to family has come in very handy yet again. Nick finally has a weekend off and he and his dad wanted to tackle the enormous project of installing new windows at our house. However, with our house being small there really wasn't going to be a quiet place for me to sleep while they were working. Here enters my wonderful family again. I was graciously offered, or perhaps I requested, the use of the futon in my parents quiet and very dark basement. It worked out well. I woke up well rested this afternoon and found out that two windows were already installed at our house.
Even more phenomenal, I woke up to find my parents and brother feverishly working away at organizing their garage. This too is an enormous project, as you can imagine, and they were conquering it with zeal. And to think all this occurred while I was sleeping soundly in my bed, maybe this whole nights thing isn't so bad after all?!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Celebration of Life and Death
We had our 25 week prenatal appointment this morning and there is absolutely nothing sweeter to hear than the heart beat of our growing baby. I seriously count down the days until each appointment just for those few seconds of sound bites. With a heart rate of 140 beats per minute all checked out well. I measured right on target for abdominal girth and the weight just keeps going up nice and steady. All seems well and for that I am so extremely grateful!
Upon leaving the doctor's office, having experienced my own little celebration of the new life growing inside me, we rushed off to the funeral service of Nick's uncle. Never have I been so vividly reminded of this journey of life that we find ourselves trekking in. While listening to the speakers recount the life of their dear friend and stories of years gone by, I could feel the tiny movements of our little child inside me.
I couldn't help but marvel at the years of stories that are ahead of us. I thought about the stories I have had thus far and the milestones I've achieved. I thought about the memories that are yet to be experienced and how this little one is just embarking on that journey. This whole life thing is a precious gift and quite the wild ride; today was a perfect illustration of that.
Upon leaving the doctor's office, having experienced my own little celebration of the new life growing inside me, we rushed off to the funeral service of Nick's uncle. Never have I been so vividly reminded of this journey of life that we find ourselves trekking in. While listening to the speakers recount the life of their dear friend and stories of years gone by, I could feel the tiny movements of our little child inside me.
I couldn't help but marvel at the years of stories that are ahead of us. I thought about the stories I have had thus far and the milestones I've achieved. I thought about the memories that are yet to be experienced and how this little one is just embarking on that journey. This whole life thing is a precious gift and quite the wild ride; today was a perfect illustration of that.
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