I am not a perfect wife. I am not a perfect mom. I am not a perfect sister or daughter or in-law. I am also not a perfect friend or employee. I want to be. I want to be exactly what my loved ones need. I want to always have my best foot forward and a smile on my face. I would love an always open heart and a listening ear that knows no time constraints.
I also want to be fiscally responsible. I want enough, not too much and not too little. I want to cherish the little priceless things in life and not worry so much about things I can't change. I want to dream realistically, so I don't get restless for things that aren't necessary or plausible. I want to think for the future and not my immediate needs.
I realize that this all sounds whiny and perhaps superficial. Seriously, no one is perfect; I hear that all the time. I know it is true, but sometimes I wish it wasn't. Mostly, I accept myself and my quirks and move on.
For example, a friend gently reminded me this week that I've lived nearly 28 years as a procrastinator why change now? It hasn't been for lack of trying. I do usually have a grand plan of how to get things done in a timely manner, but once the plan is made I figure that is half the battle. Why execute it if I have a few days/weeks to go? Yep, procrastination works for me.
Despite my better wisdom and understanding, I've been stuck in a paralyzed rut for a few weeks now. I want so badly to be perfect. I want to get the house cleaned while Briony naps, I want to have dinner on the table when Nick comes home. I want to get out and walk the dog and then I also want to make sure that Briony and I have plenty of time to read and giggle and explore. I want to work on house projects, organize, clean and somehow become a master renovator...in my spare time of course. I would also like to read a few chapters of a juicy novel, after writing an insightful blog before I go to bed at night. I want to pick up a few shifts at work, so that I can become more efficient and maybe so I can feel a little less guilty about hoping for a new pair of shoes or a sweater on my next excursion to the mall.
I have been so busy thinking about all the things I want to do and how different I'd like myself to be, that most days I've been going to bed wondering why I didn't just put one foot in front of the other. I went to bed last night reminding myself for the umpteenth time that the older we get the more demands we have. Unfortunately, the days don't get longer and time doesn't get more abundant. There is always room for improvement, and just because I am not perfect doesn't mean that I can't try. However, I do need to give myself some leeway. I need to be patient and realize that things don't happen over night and that even the best laid plans need to be acted upon to be achieved.
Did I mention that Briony started crawling this past weekend? I guess she's a good reminder that big changes can come from small forward progress; half the battle is learning how to move.
I also want to be fiscally responsible. I want enough, not too much and not too little. I want to cherish the little priceless things in life and not worry so much about things I can't change. I want to dream realistically, so I don't get restless for things that aren't necessary or plausible. I want to think for the future and not my immediate needs.
I realize that this all sounds whiny and perhaps superficial. Seriously, no one is perfect; I hear that all the time. I know it is true, but sometimes I wish it wasn't. Mostly, I accept myself and my quirks and move on.
For example, a friend gently reminded me this week that I've lived nearly 28 years as a procrastinator why change now? It hasn't been for lack of trying. I do usually have a grand plan of how to get things done in a timely manner, but once the plan is made I figure that is half the battle. Why execute it if I have a few days/weeks to go? Yep, procrastination works for me.
Despite my better wisdom and understanding, I've been stuck in a paralyzed rut for a few weeks now. I want so badly to be perfect. I want to get the house cleaned while Briony naps, I want to have dinner on the table when Nick comes home. I want to get out and walk the dog and then I also want to make sure that Briony and I have plenty of time to read and giggle and explore. I want to work on house projects, organize, clean and somehow become a master renovator...in my spare time of course. I would also like to read a few chapters of a juicy novel, after writing an insightful blog before I go to bed at night. I want to pick up a few shifts at work, so that I can become more efficient and maybe so I can feel a little less guilty about hoping for a new pair of shoes or a sweater on my next excursion to the mall.
I have been so busy thinking about all the things I want to do and how different I'd like myself to be, that most days I've been going to bed wondering why I didn't just put one foot in front of the other. I went to bed last night reminding myself for the umpteenth time that the older we get the more demands we have. Unfortunately, the days don't get longer and time doesn't get more abundant. There is always room for improvement, and just because I am not perfect doesn't mean that I can't try. However, I do need to give myself some leeway. I need to be patient and realize that things don't happen over night and that even the best laid plans need to be acted upon to be achieved.
Did I mention that Briony started crawling this past weekend? I guess she's a good reminder that big changes can come from small forward progress; half the battle is learning how to move.
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